tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post1450257087768512553..comments2024-03-24T13:45:25.132-05:00Comments on Bookfoolery : The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan DidionBookfoolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-32436090766252943842007-05-31T08:03:00.000-05:002007-05-31T08:03:00.000-05:00Les,I love freaky "coincidences" like that! :)It'...Les,<BR/><BR/>I love freaky "coincidences" like that! :)<BR/><BR/>It's hard to fathom losing that many people so quickly, isn't it? I don't know how my MIL handled her losses and stayed so completely sane. Three in two years was more than enough for me. <BR/><BR/>My dad died on July 7, 1990 - the day before my sister's 30th birthday and exactly a month after she gave birth to her second child. It was a Friday.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-78051166711837700812007-05-31T05:56:00.000-05:002007-05-31T05:56:00.000-05:00You want to hear something "odd" Nancy? Although, ...You want to hear something "odd" Nancy? <I>Although, I'm sure it's not odd to either of us</I>. Yesterday I was doing my "zone maintenance" in the travel section. Got to the very end, the very last "bay" of books. The last shelf. The last book. And tucked along side that last book was a slim copy of <I>Good Grief</I>. There was another little book, but I can't remember now what it was. So, who put them there? How long had they been stuck in the wrong section? Of all people to Zone that section, isn't it intersting that I wound up discovering them? Who knows. Maybe another employee knew I was over there and slipped them in while I wasn't looking.<BR/><BR/>You and Bellezza were talking about multiple losses. My grandmother lost her mom, sister, and husband all within 2 months of each other back in 1984. I can't begin to imagine.<BR/><BR/>What day did your dad die?Leshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08345657431432380804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-49886364480699807952007-05-30T15:19:00.000-05:002007-05-30T15:19:00.000-05:00Les,I wondered how you felt about grief books. To...Les,<BR/><BR/>I wondered how you felt about grief books. To me, the most comforting books were those that had a spiritual bent, which I know is not your thing. There were two in particular that I found helpful. One was still available, the last time I looked: <I>Good Grief</I>, a very slim little book that walks you through the steps of grief. I needed to know what I felt was normal and that book was manageable during a time I had trouble concentrating. <BR/><BR/>I don't remember the title of the other book, but it was specifically about losing a father and it was immensely comforting. Nobody I knew had lost a father and most still had a full set of grandparents (3 of mine were gone by the time I was 10; the last died the year before my father's death). So, I felt like a little island of grief. I think for those of us who are readers, it's only natural to turn to books for comfort. And, it's the same as reading anything else - what works is not necessarily the same for everyone. For me, the kind of book that said, "You're okay" or "There's a light at the end of the tunnel" was what worked best.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-55955892627033751712007-05-30T14:43:00.000-05:002007-05-30T14:43:00.000-05:00I didn't love TYoMT, but I did appreciate the hone...I didn't love TYoMT, but I did appreciate the honesty. You wrote:<BR/><BR/><I>I would never attempt to read the book immediately after a loss, or possibly even during those first few years when any reminder of your loved one leaves you with a sensation much like that of having a bruise poked. I remember that C. S. Lewis's book about his wife, Joy Gresham, was also eloquently painful; in fact, I abandoned the book because it served no purpose during a time of grief to read about someone else's agony.</I><BR/><BR/>I feel just the opposite. When we were in the depths of our grief, we turned to an assortment of books. We both read First Year, Worst Year (author's name escapes me now) and Ghost Rider by Neal Peart. These were both heartbreakingly sad (Peart lost his daughter and a year later his wife - yes, life isn't fair, is it? Sometimes is just plain sucks.), yet Rod and I both found them to be helpful as they validated our own feelings, giving voice to our thoughts, helping us realize we weren't going crazy. <BR/><BR/>I did thumb through these two, plus Didion's a few days ago, looking for quotes for my 5-28 post and found I didn't want to re-read anymore than necessary. Perhaps having moved forward, the words are too painful now.<BR/><BR/>Who knows. Normal isn't normal anymore, ya know?Leshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08345657431432380804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-78390584814995153202007-05-27T21:04:00.000-05:002007-05-27T21:04:00.000-05:00Bybee,I'll avoid "In Bed" like the plague, thank y...Bybee,<BR/><BR/>I'll avoid "In Bed" like the plague, thank you. :) <BR/><BR/>She is definitely a convincing writer.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-70101100518628956422007-05-27T20:59:00.000-05:002007-05-27T20:59:00.000-05:00Joan Didion, because of her precision, is really g...Joan Didion, because of her precision, is really good at describing misery and pain. She has an essay about migraines called "In Bed" that I don't recommend to you because I don't want to be responsible for making you ill. It was so convincing, I felt headache-y, and I'm not really prone to that.Bybeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10061186489010154661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-47995256181436054812007-05-27T19:16:00.000-05:002007-05-27T19:16:00.000-05:00Bellezza,I actually lost three people in my family...Bellezza,<BR/><BR/>I actually lost three people in my family in two years, so I guess I could relate to that a bit - not the same, though. I lost a cousin, the only grandparent I ever really knew (my paternal grandmother) and then my father. And, then, my mother found out she had ovarian cancer. We had a couple of really crappy years. I can't even begin to imagine what my mother-in-law went through when she lost her brother and his entire family (wife and 4 kids) in a plane crash .<BR/><BR/>I love, love, love C.S. Lewis. I can't wait to read your thoughts on The Great Divorce!Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-84918191067398839052007-05-27T18:19:00.000-05:002007-05-27T18:19:00.000-05:00I bought this book from Amazon.com when it was fir...I bought this book from Amazon.com when it was first released, and I've kept it on my shelf for reference. I can't bring myself to read it right now, but I did give a copy to a friend in one of our book clubs who found it very meaningful. I can't imagine the loss of TWO people in your family so close together. <BR/><BR/>I always get enormous comfort from C.S. Lewis. I'm going to drop Madeleine L'Engle for my next Once Upon A Time Challenge and pick up Lewis' The Great Divorce, also considered fantasy.Bellezza https://www.blogger.com/profile/18073864187188953633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-31478520854267514992007-05-27T18:02:00.000-05:002007-05-27T18:02:00.000-05:00Maggie,Yeah, that sobbing at the end was over the ...Maggie,<BR/><BR/>Yeah, that sobbing at the end was over the top. I enjoyed the rest of the movie but I have to wonder why they went so nutty on the crying!<BR/><BR/>Oh, yes, lots of truth in Magical Thinking. I found myself reflecting on other losses, as well. And, it was kind of nice to note that she mentioned the funeral itself is not when most people do their crying. We were actually laughing at my dad's funeral and his cousin found that very upsetting, but at that point we'd been waiting to put him to rest and I think there was such a huge sense of relief that there was a brief, false time of levity, if that makes sense. I mentally compared, a lot, but didn't take many notes.<BR/><BR/>Yeah, I did find it odd that there was no mention of God or faith at all. I couldn't have gotten through the year 1990 without either; you're right, it would have been a different book if that had been the case for her.<BR/><BR/>Dana,<BR/><BR/>Yes, same here. I didn't love it because it was too painful, but I could relate in many ways. I hated it when my mother got rid of my father's clothing; I wasn't ready. As I was reading, I also was reminded that my father was buried in the suit he bought for my wedding. That was oddly comforting, at the time.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-27831033531526311682007-05-27T15:29:00.000-05:002007-05-27T15:29:00.000-05:00I enjoyed this book so much--not in a whoo hoo kin...I enjoyed this book so much--not in a whoo hoo kind of way, but having had some amount of tragic loss and personal tragedy, I could relate to so much of what she was saying. The part about his shoes ripped my heart open because I remember my mom finally cleaning my dad's closet. It is a hard hard read, but wonderful and beautiful despite it's difficulty.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-22291814660613934682007-05-27T15:04:00.000-05:002007-05-27T15:04:00.000-05:00Pete & I, were shaking our heads when we left the ...Pete & I, were shaking our heads when we left the theatre. "There's no crying in baseball," or <I>Spiderman</I>!<BR/><BR/>I took loads of notes when reading <I>AYoMT</I>. Seems like ever word written has a basis in human truth. <BR/><BR/>Did you find it odd how she didn't lean on the Lord or church? <BR/><BR/>Although, I do not doubt her conviction, she never seeks the church's help. It would have made a totally different book.maggie moranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02462439415973311990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-77915370140178399782007-05-27T11:16:00.000-05:002007-05-27T11:16:00.000-05:00Stephanie,I loved it and hated it - not sure I mad...Stephanie,<BR/><BR/>I loved it and hated it - not sure I made that clear. I wouldn't read it if I were you! While I think the writing is beautiful and Didion did a great job of imparting the feelings of grief, it was miserable because I felt like I was going through it all over, again. I kind of wish I'd read a review that expressed how painful the book is to read. <BR/><BR/>So sorry about the loss of your brother. I know you've mentioned it before, but I can't remember if I said anything. It's been almost 18 years since my father died, also. I'll never stop missing him, not ever.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-82541287232464321412007-05-27T10:26:00.000-05:002007-05-27T10:26:00.000-05:00I don't think I'll be reading this one. I'm all...I don't think I'll be reading this one. I'm all for a good book....but this one will bring up too many issues I just don't want to read about. When I lost my brother, I was uncolsolable. He was my BEST friend and it was hard. It's been almost 18 years now, and it still tears me up, if I let it. That's the main reason this one doesn't have any appeal to me. <BR/><BR/>Nice review though. I'm glad you liked it!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05055676171075203563noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-51272321712915730332007-05-27T10:13:00.000-05:002007-05-27T10:13:00.000-05:00Booklogged,Maybe I like to torment myself, with al...Booklogged,<BR/><BR/>Maybe I like to torment myself, with all the harsh memoirs I've been reading, lately! I've read Angela's Ashes; it was definitely about a hard life, but I think it's easier to read a memoir if you can hold your distance and read as an observer. The problem with The Year of Magical Thinking was that I've felt those feelings - not as a widow, but as a 27-year-old losing her father - and it was just impossible not to remember my own experience. My personal opinion is that you should just avoid it if you think it's not right for you. I skip books people say are must-reads, all the time. It didn't occur to me that this book would be quite so painful.<BR/><BR/>I just read your meme and loved it, thanks! I'll go back and comment.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-20743029475604015082007-05-26T23:23:00.000-05:002007-05-26T23:23:00.000-05:00I have a hard time reading these type of books, ev...I have a hard time reading these type of books, even though so many people say how good they are. I've been thinking for years that I should read Angela's Ashes, but just can't make myself take on the pain.<BR/><BR/>I finally posted my '8 Things About Me' meme that you tagged me for weeks ago. It's located <A HREF="http://bookschatterblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/8-things-meme.html" REL="nofollow">here</A>.Bookloggedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00651016653247142255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-41355500321136154992007-05-26T23:03:00.000-05:002007-05-26T23:03:00.000-05:00Juliann,I found it a little too immediate; it was ...Juliann,<BR/><BR/>I found it a little too immediate; it was really very much as if I was reliving my own grief. It's definitely an account that is realistic to the experience of tragic loss. <BR/><BR/>Kookie,<BR/><BR/>I read the book because it's a group read . . . somewhere. Our Coffee Rings, maybe? I'm wondering, now, if I'd have read it otherwise.<BR/><BR/>I'd say the book is probably more difficult to read if you've been through a sudden loss. It might be reassuring for widows who are unsure whether their thoughts and feelings are normal, but for me it was more like a time warp. I remember those feelings (the numbness, anger, difficulty thinking straight) after the loss of my father and it was really pretty painful reading about her experience. I can't tell you, one way or other, whether it would be upsetting to you, but it's definitely emotional.<BR/><BR/>And, yeah, I'm a really emotional chick, too. A little too empathic for my own good.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-64935566631889077932007-05-26T20:38:00.000-05:002007-05-26T20:38:00.000-05:00I'm so torn about if I want to read this or not. ...I'm so torn about if I want to read this or not. I'm pretty emotional and I don't know if I can stand to read about this poor woman's grief, no matter how well written. I think I'd have to be in just the right frame of mind.kookiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00994570192941993135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-68545003322219657982007-05-26T17:39:00.000-05:002007-05-26T17:39:00.000-05:00I too liked this book and have loaned and recommen...I too liked this book and have loaned and recommended it to a number of friends. I haven't lost anyone as close as a spouse or parent but I could really feel the experience as I read this account - it just felt so true to me.Juliann in WAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15895551530087690102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-33019600629534778372007-05-26T10:21:00.000-05:002007-05-26T10:21:00.000-05:00Exactly how I feel. I'm glad I read it, but I wou...Exactly how I feel. I'm glad I read it, but I wouldn't reread the book because I'd know what I was in for and that level of emotion is very difficult to read.Bookfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08247136634069540446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29370872.post-72011044087416586022007-05-25T23:31:00.000-05:002007-05-25T23:31:00.000-05:00I really loved The Year of Magical Thinking too. ...I really loved <I>The Year of Magical Thinking</I> too. It's an odd one to say that you loved because it is so emotionally raw. I definitely thought it was worth reading!Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03219487185122225081noreply@blogger.com