14 Seconds to Hell by Nick Carter

Nick Carter is the "Kill Master" mentioned in that arch above what appears to be the author's name, the heroic and sex-crazed American Agent to whom credit is given as author, even though he's fictional and the copyright is held by the publisher. In 14 Seconds to Hell, Nick is given the instructions and equipment he will use to destroy an evil Chinese scientist's nuclear weapons. Seven warheads are trained on the Western world and Peking's leaders are looking forward to world domination after blowing everyone else to Kingdom Come. It's a race against time and the Soviets are willing to cooperate with the U.S. to help.

At first, Nick and Russian agent Alexi can't keep their hands off each other. Nick is, it seems, irresistible (or, perhaps she's a "nympho"; Nick can't help but wonder, because clearly a woman who likes sex is not normal, unlike a guy . . . ) and the first three chapters are dedicated to a little sex, a little planning, more sex, more preparation. And, then Nick discovers he's been bedding both Alexi and her twin, Anya, at which point you will either throw this hilarious 1968 pulp novel at the wall or laugh and hope the action will begin in earnest, soon.

Fortunately, after the first three chapters, the real spy business begins. Nick, Alexi, and Anya face numerous challenges as they travel to Dr. Hu Tsan's compound. On the way, one of the girls sleepily asks about America: "Are there many go-go girls? Is there much dancing?" Whew, the things a female spy worries about.

At the complex, they face poisonous gas and extreme misogyny. The evil scientist has had a really, really bad experience, it seems, with a Western woman, and he's determined to punish them all. To that end, he has created a torture machine that gives women orgasms repeatedly and frequently till they break and become zombie-like shadows of their former selves, barely able to function. The trio of spies are captured and Nick must use his wits and strength to save both the world and the two women.

Hilariously bad but fun - 14 Seconds to Hell is the first of the Nick Carter series that I've read. It was nutty fun. I particularly loved the action, of course - I always love a fast-paced plot. But, it's both horrifying and laughable in its extremes. The sexism! The fact that nobody knows if they blow up half the world they'll all die of radiation poisoning, too! The amazing lack of professionalism of both male and female when working with the opposite sex! You'll either love it or hate it. I thought it was a fun ride and I'm looking forward to eventually reading the other two books my friend sent. 14 Seconds to Hell is definitely "of the time". It's certainly a lesson in how far we've come.

It's also a bit of a lesson in what we've lost, as the evil doctor talks about the "empty concepts" of truth, justice, mercy, honor, compassion, right, and wrong that are favored by Westerners. "Honor" struck me, and often does when I read older titles. It's something that isn't talked about much, anymore. Also, helicopters are occasionally referred to as "whirlybirds". Haha. I only know the copyright date because I can read Roman Numerals. Do they still teach how to read Roman Numerals in school? Just curious.

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I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You by Ally Carter

I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You
by Ally Carter
Copyright 2006
Hyperion - Young Adult/Spies
284 pages, including that messed-up page in the middle

I need to trade my copy of this book because I have no idea what happened on pages 133-34, since I got an extra page 141-42 stuck in the middle of my book. Grrr. Otherwise, I loved this story.

I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You is the first book in the Gallagher Girls series. I found the second in the series at a bargain price, last year, and whipped right through it. So, when I needed a book to read while I waited out a storm in the Target Starbucks, I bought a copy of the first. It's been on my wish list for eons, after all. I sipped Tazo tea and occasionally jumped at noisy thunder while reading, then we went home during a break in the weather.

I wish I'd known there was a wonky page in the middle, so that I could have exchanged the book right then and there, since Target is at least 50 miles away from us.

Since I'd Tell You, etc., is the first in a series, there's a good bit of set-up and the book is not quite as exciting as the second in the series. We're introduced to Cammie Morgan, the heroine whose mother is the headmistress of the Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women -- a spy school masquerading as an exclusive prep school for geniuses. In the second book, Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy, Cammie frequently refers back to her experiences in this first book so I had a little bit of expectatation going.

In I'd Tell You, etc., Cammie meets a boy who is not a spy. In fact, if he knew she attended Gallagher Academy, he wouldn't have anything to do with her. The Gallagher girls are thought to be rich snobs. Actually, most of them are pretty wealthy, but that's beside the point. Their cover is a good one and because of it, the people of the nearby town are not particularly friendly to the Gallagher students. But, when Cammie meets Josh and realizes she wants to get to know him better, she tells him she's homeschooled to keep him from running away.

Cammie and her friends have to check Josh out to make sure he's not trying to infiltrate Gallagher Academy, so they tap into his email and dig in his trash and then write up reports about what they've discovered. Eventually, Cammie and Josh manage to get together, but not for long because Josh discovers the truth about Cammie and gets in the way of her class final.

4/5 - The fact that this book is the first in a series makes it just a tad less exciting because the author has to spend some time setting the scene, but I probably wouldn't have noticed, had I read the series in order. I loved this book. Ally Carter's writing is clever, witty, adventurous and fun. There's no bad language, the violence is pretty tame, and the dating is clean. This book is very family-friendly, as is the next in the series.

I highly recommend reading this series in order. Because Cammie refers back to her experience with Josh in the second book, I already knew how this particular book ended. It didn't bother me, but I did have some expectations of how things would occur and that threw me a bit.

I've got to hop on the treadmill, but I'll try to whip out another review, later today. I've only got one left on that list I wrote up, last week, and then two that I've since finished. Have you noticed that my sidebar hasn't changed? I'm reading a bit slower than usual (and I'm not a fast reader) but I hope to finish both Mr. Darcy's Great Escape and The Things They Carried within the next couple of days, and then we can change the sidebar scenery. That would be good.
You've probably noticed that I haven't posted many photographs in a while, if you're one of my regular readers. That's because I haven't gone anywhere! I've been stuck in this house for months! I'm going to try to take a field trip -- maybe the zoo or just a drive around town to look for hawks -- very soon. I think a photo-free blog can get a little boring, after a while.

Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy by Ally Carter

Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy by Ally Carter
Copyright 2007
Hyperion DBG - Young Adult
236 pages
(2nd in a series)
Ally Carter's website

I bought Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy on impulse at Borders, last week, and whipped through it almost immediately. It's the second in the "Gallagher Girls" series, which are set at Gallagher Academy, a spy school for girls. The heroine is a student at Gallagher and the daughter of the headmistress.

The first book in the series is entitled I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You. I haven't read that introductory novel but references to the first novel filled in the background sufficiently; there was never a sense that I was lost or missing something. Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy stands well on its own.

In Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy, heroine Cameron (Cammie) Morgan begins her sophomore year with a visit to Washington, D.C., where she's interrogated about her relationship with Josh, a former boyfriend who is not a spy (bad idea) and with whom she has been forced to break up. Obviously, her relationship with Josh was the focus of the first book, which Bookfool is now very, very anxious to read. Cammie still misses Josh but promises not to cause any more trouble. In addition to getting in trouble for her relationship with Josh, Cammie's known for having explored every crevice of Gallagher Mansion and one can presume that's gotten her into a bit of hot water in the past.

At school, Cammie and her friends arrive to find a section of the Academy blocked off, making it slightly difficult and time-consuming to navigate the Gallagher Hall (an old stone mansion). Cammie has made a commitment to behave, of course, but the realization that the staff's explanation for the closing of that portion of the school can't possibly be true and an overheard conversation between her mother and a favorite teacher have Cammie burning with curiosity. Cammie and friends decide there's no harm in a little investigation -- that's what they're training for, after all. When a group of students from a spy school for boys show up, the girls are perplexed. What is their purpose? Are they really from a similar school or is there more to those boys than meets the eye?

All becomes apparent in an exciting conclusion that I can't tell you about because it would be a big, bad spoiler. But, let me tell you this . . . I found the final scenes so exciting, adventurous and surprising that I can't part with the book. I'm going to have to reread. There is nothing I love more than fast-moving intrigue.

Another 5/5 - Entertaining, lively, intelligent and humorous. I love Ally Carter's writing. I do advise reading the books in order, as Cammie reflects on an important plot point in Book #1. I'll still read it, but I think it would be much more fun and surprising not knowing what Josh did that exposed their relationship and led to their break-up.

Bonus: Ally Carter has a degree from my alma mater, Oklahoma State University. Wahoo for Ally and Go Cowboys!